Sales Noire

Sales Noire - Final Script

[Black and white camera.]

It was a work day. I was in my usual bad mood, but something was amiss. As I arrived at the coffee machine I found my first clue. Out of order. Typical.

It was not but 3 minutes later when I was approached by the office slam-piece. She looked at me with lustful eyes. (Woman in the office shows overt disgust at Corporate and avoids his advances.) But I had a job to do. The passion was there, but the timing just wasn’t right.

[Fade in at desk]

I still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. A strange affliction. I opened CRM solution to check my pipeline. Light, per usual. “IM FUCKED!” I uttered under my breath as not to disturb the office.

Fortuitously though, I had an inbound lead. A qualification call with a CEO who “couldn’t wait to talk to me.” (Show email that says “sure” in response to meeting request.) I dialed in. 5 minutes…10 minutes…15 minutes went by.  I got the feeling that he wasn’t going to show. Was I subconsciously anticipating my own demise? Or was it just the fact I hadn’t had my fucking coffee yet?

I decided to take a mind-cleansing walk to the parking lot. I needed some fresh air. (Show CB aggressively huffing his weed pen).

And that’s when it hit me and the clues came together. It wasn’t the coffee machine. It wasn’t the no-show. It wasn’t even the fact that I had been blue-balled – which never happens. No…The source of this thick cloud of dissonance resulting in my depersonalization had been staring at me this entire time:

[Video flips back to color]

Im in sales and my life blow – RIPS WEED PEN.

THE END.

Written by Ben Gould, Ross Pomerantz, and Milo “Loaf” Davis

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