Merry Christmas Ash
BEN
How would you describe Ashley Cimellaro?
Enter TOTALLY UNLICENSED MUSIC in the background, but it’s one of her favorite songs so whatever: DADDY’S LESSONS by BEYONCE.
ANTHONY
Kindness -
MARGO
The strongest person I’ve ever met.
ANTHONY
She has such a huge heart.
Enter WILL FERRELL (Clip from The Other Guys).
WILL FERRELL
We came up with the name Gator.
BEN
I’ve only know Ash for three years, but it feels like a lifetime. We’ve travelled across the world together, but recently, we’ve been stuck in the same place.
Enter TEDDY, GENE, and BOB from Bob’s Burgers.
TEDDY
Look at you two. You look like a married couple.
GENE
We put up with each other.
BOB
Alright, enough. Gene, get back to the kitchen
BEN
Not sheltered in place...we’re sheltered in loveeee.
Enter LOUISE while Ben is speaking. It’s hard to hear him over the grunts and honks and snorts, but it’s a corny line anyway.
Louise stops.
BEN
In a year when she lost so much -
MARGO
You face adversity after adversity and you always rise above.
BEN
She was able to give even more. To me, to her family
ANTHONY
Just reaching out to say hey or to send me something goofy or to talk about a Pokemon she just caught - it’s her way of letting me know she’s thinking about me and it’s something I’ve really appreciated and admired about her.
BEN
Her best friend -
MARGO
You’re loyal. And you have the most beautiful soul. You’ve always been my safe place. I love you so much. And I’m lucky to have you as my best friend.
BEN
And of course…
LOUISE
*Snorts and licks*
BEN
Her beautiful Boston Terrier puppy who lives her very much, yes you doooo.
Enter LINDA BELCHER from Bob’s Burgers.
LINDA BELCHER
Awwww, that’s really sweet.
BEN
Who is Ashley Cimellaro? She’s a beautiful warrior gator queen with the fight of a honey badger, the heart of a lion,
Enter an actual LION.
LION
Roar.
BEN (Cont’d)
and the poise of a 6-time Super Bowl champion quarterback.
Enter JOE BUCK commentating for the Pats Super Bowl comeback victory against the Falcons.
JOE BUCK
Patriots win the Super Bowl! Brady has his 5h! What a comeback!
BEN
Maybe it’s easier to just say...
Enter SANDRA OH’s character from Grey’s Anatomy, which you used to watch all the time before we moved in together and you don’t watch it that much anymore, which I’m sorry about.
SANDRA OH
You are my person. You will always be my person.
BEAN BAG BOYS
Hoooooowwwwwwwwwllllllll!!!
LOUISE BELCHER
Ahhhh sick!
BEN
I love you, Ash. Merry Christmas
Enter… MARIAH.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU by MARIAH CAREY begins at full volume.
